Little King
Wise, Skillful
God is Gracious
Joyous Celebration
Burning Lion-Like
Five beautiful names; five completely different meanings. Five arrows to launch into this world at five separate times. Five miracles and five blessings. Five times the amount of toilet paper, food, clothes, shoes, and laughter.
Five different ways to feel guilty.
Have I given our son enough encouragement? Have I shown my teenage daughter how to demonstrate true beauty inwardly and outwardly? Am I homeschooling my five year old well enough to succeed in "real school"? Will our "little middle" feel noticed and appreciated? Does our baby get so spoiled that everyone else will resent her someday... or are they already resenting her?
Wow, I have not written in this forum for almost five years! In fact as I looked at my last blog post (unpublished), I realized the last time I started to conjure up thoughts to post was when Andrew and I fasted from media for 30 days, which was OVER five years ago! That time of fasting was incredibly significant because that is when the Lord very clearly called us to step into obedience and adopt our oldest two children. Five years later that feels like it was an eternity ago but also like it all happened yesterday. God's faithfulness and provision in our lives is simply incredible. We so do not deserve the blessings we have received.
But let's just get real for a few minutes. Chances are if you're reading this, you are a momma with kiddos that are similar ages as mine. You're taking a few minutes to relax or veg out by reading this, so you're hoping I'll give you a nugget of truth so you can get back to giving your kids nuggets of chicken and last until bedtime. I get it.You're probably feeling the mom guilt pile up just because you're reading something and not doing something for someone.
Those who know me personally know that my husband and I are unusual in that we have both teenagers and toddlers. Not only do we have teens, we did not get the privilege to "warm up" to the teen years. I believe we purchased the "trial by fire" package of parenting. The fire was turned on, fully blazing, fueled by teenage hormones and insecurities; and we jumped in! We are where we are by a whole lot of grace from Jesus and guidance from those who have navigated the waters before us.
On the other hand, we are raising a toddler, a pre-schooler, and a kindergartener!
Lord, have mercy! Someone come have coffee with me and we'll ignore the meltdowns around naptime together. If there is one thing I have noticed that is a trend in my own life in every season of parenthood, thus far; it's the overwhelming sense of mom guilt.I used to think my own mom was crazy to second guess her choices or say " I think I really screwed yall up when I did X, Y, or Z". After all, my mom did a LOT of things right; I would think she was just seeking validation when I was a young adult and she would ask my opinion on a parenting decision she had made years prior. I am now realizing, even she was not immune to the ever pervasive mom guilt.
I notice myself getting distracted by what sneakily feels like conviction but sinks in as guilt.
A harsh, untimely word: guilt. An insecurity that leaps out of my mouth and is projected onto my child: guilt. A quick-tempered remark: guilt. A moment spent alone: guilt. A reaction to a mess: guilt. A hug withheld, a hand closed tight, a heart withdrawn: guilt, guilt, mega guilt. I've noticed these things about myself. I can honestly give you a personal guilt-ridden anecdote for each of these scenarios from the past week! I've also learned a one giant lesson, which is truly the point of this blog... grace.
Personally, I feel it is no coincidence that there is a five letter word to revolutionize my parenting and life. A letter for each child to remind me that "His grace is sufficient for me" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Not only that, but "His power is made PERFECT in my weakness"! This is the Good News! Jesus's salvation covers every mistake I make in parenting. I don't have to carry the guilt of all my mess-ups and shortcomings as a wife, parent, daughter, church member, neighbor, coworker, or anything.
I have a simple wooden sign that says "LIVE BY GRACE, NOT PERFECTION". I'll be honest and say that I've questioned its Biblical foundation at times, especially when my theologian brother said jokingly "What kind of heresy is that?". In the past year I have come to realize that I don't want to accept grace because I don't want to humble myself to the point of accepting my imperfections. OUCH. This is why I have that reminder in my home. It is not that I am living contrary to Paul's word in Romans 6 that warns us not to "continue in sin that grace may increase". This is not my heart at all. I strive to serve and please Jesus in excellence in all things.
To truly understand the concept of grace and guilt, it is important to understand how they interact independently and dependently. Grace is from Jesus through Jesus' blood. Jesus did not die so that we wouldn't need Him. He came as the Messiah to extend that grace to us through taking on our sins and dying on the cross as the perfect sacrifice to satisfy God's wrath. This is not through our own power; it is through Christ's power and does not depend on us. We get to freely accept this grace, and I pray you have!
Guilt elevates us to believe we can erase our own sins. It makes us believe the lie that we can do something in our own power to right our wrongs and even change the outcome of them. If I may be so bold: that is heretical thinking! That kind of thinking is what leads us to the insecurities and frustrations that become cyclical and cause us to trust ourselves above the God of creation. Guilt seems like it is just pointing out the flaw so we can change it, right? Wrong. Guilt causes us to focus on ourselves and seek to take control of our sin. Guilt actually tries to eliminate our need for Jesus! Satan loves to pull out the "mom guilt" card in particular. You know why, mommas? We have a high calling on our hands! In fact, so high that we can't do it alone and we certainly can't do it without Jesus. Staying in the cycle of mom guilt will only lead you to degrade that calling and elevate yourself above Jesus. Can I just encourage you today and say, we will never be above needing Jesus' grace? We cannot live perfectly enough to not need Jesus. Even if you never sinned from this point forward, the damage is done. You were born sinful and you cannot erase that. BUT, and here's the best news: you can live in grace from here on out!
You CAN ditch the mom guilt and live abundantly! You might not have pinterest perfect dinner on your table tonight but you can have a gracious, life-giving conversation with your teen. You might not keep it all together today, get to your next destination on time, or love everyone around you perfectly but you had better believe that you can extend the same grace Jesus gave you this morning (this very second!) to everyone you encounter. You might not have a family picture with everyone smiling, but you can certainly rest easy knowing that Jesus' grace will be made perfect in your weaknesses.
Your life of grace will speak volumes to this broken world.
So today, when you become short-tempered, short-fused, and had it up to HERE(!!!) with all you children, remember this:
Grace accepts; guilt controls.
Accept grace; give Jesus control!
