My, how you have rocked my world! Sweet girl, there are not adequate words to express my love for you. Your tender heart has spoken to mine in ways that I never could have imagined. You have become my alarm clock, my meal plan, and my main source of exercise since you entered this world 10 months ago. I can honestly say that I have never known a life filled with so much frustration and tears, yet overflowing with such peace that has melted my heart into a new-found stillness in Jesus and led me to a place of holiness. Your room has become a place of strength, rejuvenation, and utter brokenness. I can't tell you how deeply pained your daddy and I were when you were taken from us in the hospital the night you were born. I know that sounds so silly and you won't understand until you hold your own dear child, but sweet girl, that was torture.
Taking you home seemed to be an exciting new adventure until we learned what so many other parents before us had learned: there is NO manual to this parenting thing! And my goodness, we needed one. Our dear Capri, you CRIED. Some people said it was good and you were just stretching your vocal chords and clearing your lungs. But sweets, your lungs were clear as day and your vocal chords were as primed as a professional opera singer's! Oh sweet girl, we love you, blood-curdling screeches and all. I can remember one night in particular when you were two short weeks new. Daddy and I had both reached our limits with the crying thing, but guess what? You hadn't and that meant we had to continue being parents to you... by holding, swaddling, shushing, swaying, nursing (me only... maybe daddy should have tried?), burping, cleaning, bouncing, shaking (mimicking car movements...), massaging, "wearing", and the list goes on and on. We tried everything but you didn't settle. There was a hurricane brewing in our area and daddy decided to sleep in the other room to get some good rest until his shift arrived to take care of you. We all startled (didn't awake... that would have required us actually sleeping) to hear our security alarm going off because of the storm. We ended up hunkering down in the hallway, away from all the windows and glass. You finally fell asleep for a few hours, all swaddled next to me on the floor. Daddy took sweet pictures of us the next morning, all cuddled together, the storm having passed and the new mercies of the next morning finally having arrived. It seemed that the upheaval of the storm mirrored our very home's atmosphere.
I tell you this story to give you just a little glimpse of what life is like. Precious girl, nighttime storms will always come and go. Merciful mornings always come and go. Dragging days and sleepless nights, too, will come and go. And there is just one thing that will remain constant: Jesus. My love, if you learn nothing else from this life your daddy and I live, please know that Jesus remains. He is ever-patient, ever-kind, ever-loving, ever-faithful, ever-tender, ever-powerful, ever-gracious. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14.
I know this letter is jumbled and mess, but I feel so compelled to write this out to you as a reminder to us, as your parents, and to you, as our child; that all we do is for Jesus. We will fall so short time and time again, but He never will. Our love for you doesn't even compare to the love that the Lord lavishes on each of us. I pray that as your grow, you will see these things to be true in our family in all that we say and do. I can only imagine the stories that I will cherish so deeply when our house is quiet once again and our necks yearn for little arms to envelope them. I can imagine that many of our most powerful Jesus moments will be coupled with such pain and intensity that we won't wish to experience them again but will forever be changed by their impact. You are truly a vessel of joy, love, and hope in our family. You have taught us more about grace and love than any Bible study or conference ever could. The Lord has already used you in such mighty ways that I am in utter amazement to imagine your future in Him! Munch, never forget how gracious our Lord is.
